#this exists because people yelled at me
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Henry's whole deal to me is that he is selfish in his inaction, his self preservation, his desire for closure. His self hatred is all consuming in such a way that it harms those around him but he is so consumed by his own misery he does not recognise their suffering. His anger at himself, William and the world animates him but also gnaws at every inch of his being like a virus. Spreds from him into the world. Seeps and harms and burns the way Will's actions burned him.
#henry being just as terrible as bill but in the opposite way is important#cough i may project my worst fears as a mentally ill person onto hen cough#anxity and self hatred are ultimatly a selfish thing to me#obvs mentally ill people cannot help that i am in that boat i understand#but also the idea that everyone is looking at you that you are the worst thing to ever exist is a selfish thought in a bad way#because you are not#your closure for your mistakes isnt everything ME i mean henry fnaf#cough#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#henry emily#yelling about the bear#mental illness#idk how to tag this its mostly the notes im being weird with bear with me#haha#bear
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And Then It Is Monday - Why Sunday's plan did not (and could not) work
So normally I don't really make longer analysis posts, but I kept seeing people on social media outright supporting Sunday's actions in 2.2, and I wrote something out about why I personally think that Sunday's plan is wrong. I don't know if this is an issue with tumblr as well, given that the people I saw supporting him were on different forms of social media, but regardless.
Before I begin, I'd like to pose a reminder that the opinions in this are mine and mine alone. If you agree, awesome! If not, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, so long as you're respectful! I have no idea if this is well written or will make any logical sense, but here we go!
(Spoilers for the 2.2 Trailblazer quest under the cut, if that wasn't already obvious)
So the first thing to get off the table: I feel Sunday is a very sympathetic villain, but a villain nonetheless. I understand the people that sympathize with him. I do too, to an extent. He was raised on unhealthy ideals and the belief that he was a "religious figure," one that people looked up to. Other people were allowed to just be, but Sunday always had to be better. He loved his sister, and the people around him, and he wanted to make a better world for them.
But that does not excuse what he did. Making a 'better world' can never come at the cost of taking away people's free will, because that world will never be "better". That's where Sunday's plan falls apart.
Because, yes, there are shitty people in the world, and yes bad things happen. Would it be amazing if we could stop all the bad things from happening ever again, and make the world a much better place? Yes! It would! I would love to live in a world where I don't have to fear for my life and my freedom for an assortment of reasons! But that world doesn't exist--in real life or on Penacony--, and getting it to exist shouldn't be the result of subjugating and controlling other people, because that in and of itself is violence. Albeit a different kind of violence, but violence nonetheless.
Not to mention that things like Sunday's plan and the concept of forcing everyone to act a certain way just to fit this "better world" to me almost serves as a condemnation of human nature and of the very act of choice itself. Your better world starts by saying that some choices are bad, so those choices get taken away, but where does it end? What if someone in charge views a harmless choice as a bad one, and takes away that one in return? Does it stop there, or does it continue, until no one at all is allowed to make any decisions, except those in charge? Who, really, does that benefit?
Consequences for certain choices exist. Generally, society says murder is bad (except for specific circumstances such as self-defense, which technically at that point is no longer even considered murder (at least where I live, it may be different in other areas, but I'm basing this off of my own experience)), so there is a concrete consequence to people murdering people--assuming that they don't get away with it. It doesn't stop people from murdering people, because the liberty of choice is still there, but it shows that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should or that you will escape without consequence.
People are going to do bad things. That is, unfortunately, how humans are. But our responsibility lies in holding ourselves accountable and in promoting growth and healing. That is how you build a better world. Not trapping everyone inside a dream world without any care for their feelings or beliefs, but in getting people the help they need, in fostering a society of positive change and human connection.
And that is why, as "golden" as Sunday's dream may have seemed, it was never going to work. In the end, as the story quest shows, human will and the desire for freedom wins out in the end. When there's a will, there's a way.
#i have otherwise dubbed this as#the reason why if i was in the hsr universe and a part of the main plot the plot gods wouldve sniped me and put me out of commission#just like they did welt and dr. ratio for the 2.2 update because if i were there i would just start yelling at sunday and lecturing him#for being a fucking idiot#if any of this makes any semblance of sense i will be very happy#i can see why people get drawn in by sunday's plan like genuinely#it sounds really really nice#a world where every day is sunday and everyone is at peace#but despite it feeling āniceā i could never really find it in myself to agree with him#at first i thought that maybe i was just being kind of cynical and then i started to think about it a bit more#which is how this came into existence#i sent this to one of my irl friends first#who was like holy shit this is an essay#honkai star rail#2.2 spoilers#honkai star rail spoilers#sunday hsr#character/story analysis#analysis#penacony#penacony spoilers#hsr 2.2#i dont really know what else to tag this under lmao
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#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? š#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund š#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask āwhyā and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might āhurtā you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not āthe 'tismā or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad š but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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the homoeroticism of trying not to be incredibly fucking weird around the probably-straight-statistically-speaking campmate you're down bad for AND theoretically going to be camping with for two weeks every year now in a camp that is effectively a found-family group he was born into and you are newly on the fringes of
#'dont fuck it up' extreme mode#if he goes looking for my blog because he technically knows it exists i am Going to Die of Embarrassment#but also im so unwell from not eating enough and camp teardown and like#mentally screaming#i got some solid proof this pennsic that i am absolutely incapable of judging how people feel about me#but that doesnt. help. the fear of being too fucking weird about this crush#im not! good at subtlety!#and i like hanging with him in general hes fun but like#i dont want to fuck THAT up EITHER#yelling at the void
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like itās so. i donāt want to say isolated necessarily. but so much itās own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i donāt think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and itās like. cmon. wouldnāt it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like iām like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isnāt within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesnāt actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place iām in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think itās making this worse. especially because itās henryās dadās local#and where henryās wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. itās like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and itās going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i havenāt even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadnāt come back iād be in a normal mental state#by now. thatās the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i donāt want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like itās not even worth the effort because itās so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i canāt deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and itās so exhausting and i canāt sleep and thereās so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#iāve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like āhow dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ectā#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#āa lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!ā as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not ājustā. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#āi'm a disability advocate!ā no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that ācarnivoresā are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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not to be like āi miss collegeā even though i do but mostly i think i miss being smart. before depression and life events had chewed up and partially swallowed my brain. just getting to problem solve and think, being Very Into something as the norm. i know being an english major is basically the easiest thing you can be at the undergrad level but i do feel like that was the one and only time in my life where my natural state was actually a pro instead of a con. i graduated with the highest honors and absolutely no one cared but i cared
#aster chat#family life exploding exactly one (1) month from graduation is still just. it. god. it was almost seven years ago and it still hurts#SO much. i had worked so hard to graduate with the honors i did#i took a 400 level history class in my 2nd semester with one of the hardest humanities profs and i got a B#i basically lived in a break room for a whole semester because my misophonia was so bad with my roommate at night#i stashed pillows and blankets behind a couch and slept there to stay sane enough to write my papers#i got so close to Ending Things three times and DIDN'T#my professors LOVED ME#and then graduation came and it was just. over.#went right back home to sit between my parents as much as i could and get yelled at and watch everything go down the drain#like as soon as i walked out of college i stopped existing except as something for my parents and my job to use up#like. i know it's cringy to still be thinking about college but that was the last time i mattered as myself. you know#people liked me because of my brain! my thoughts! not for what i could do for them or for a paycheck#me qua me#okay lmao Antidepressant Time bye#no offense but my english classes wouldn't have made me feel weird about saying 'boon' instead of 'pro' up there#i changed it to not sound like an assclown but my profs would have thought it was funny.
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hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that youāre going to have to have feelings without a filter, and youāre going to have to tell people that you care about them, and youāre going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you canāt ever let them down then iām sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.
#lolaa.txt#little thing about emotions.#iām not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot#and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and itās a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again#because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it#but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard#especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. itās hard. itās so hard. and iām sorry#just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when youāre excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there#numbness will not fix what problems you have. it wonāt.#itās comfortable but you canāt have love without discomfort sometimes#sorry about all this iām just . iām having a bad day and itās really hard today to be open to everyone#so this is my try#i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel#i need to relearn how to be a child about it#and thatās okay#thatās all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here
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Friendly reminder that being queer/LGBT ally/jewish/pro-semitism isn't, can't and shouldn't be used to justify and support ethnic cleansing, colonization and genocide. If you do think so then I don't want you to talk to me ever again ššŖ
#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#free palestine#āBUT IF YOU LIVED THERE THEY'D KILL YOUā bitch people from my own country would rather see me dead for existing too#just because minorities are oppressed by their governments doesn't mean the citizens deserve to die#they're just weaponizing people sexualities and you are buying into their ānobleā reasoning#āit is a war not a genocideā isn't it weird that the only side that is being censored for speaking about what's happening to them#are the Palestinians?#in pro palestine protests people don't yell death to Israel they yell they want freedom and ceasefire#if you think āfrom the river to the sea palestine will be freeā is somehow the same as a (death) threat the problem is on you#and yes you can question Israel without being antisemitic. People can be jew and/or queer and be against them#this dehumanization shouldn't be answered with indifference or āthey deserved it lolā BIG FUCK YOU#not sorry if this is how you find out what side I'm with. If talking about this makes you uncomfortable or offended feel free to unfollow m#tener que decir algo que deberĆa ser universal y de sentido comĆŗn me toca mucho los huevos#when I say I prefer to be drama free I mean about fandom discourse. Never about war crimes and violation of human rights#āif they don't want to get bombed just leaveā THAT'S NOT THE SOLUTION THEY DESERVE TO LIVE IN THEIR LAND WITHOUT GETTING ATTACKED FOR IT#god dammit#I'll be back to being silly later but first I wanted to get this out of my chest#š
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Maybe this is my āIām from New York so I didnāt choose to live here I was just already hereā kicking in but can we actually learn to respect peopleās privacy and acknowledge the fact that not everyone who lives in a major city is doing so because they want to be famous or the main character or an influencer or whatnot. Iām so sick of seeing tiktoks go viral that are just plainly stalking or doxxing random people who didnāt ask for attention or fame and are just living their lives. Especially given how many people in NYC are living with a wide variety of mental states, abilities, divergencies, and diversities treating them as a spectacle for your entertainment is deeply dehumanizing. Particularly in the past few years seeing so many content creators move here and gain their fame here it is becoming increasingly frustrating to feel like just existing in my home is not coherent with the burgeoning voyeurism culture thatās growing online. I, nor anyone who lives in a large city, should have to leave their homes every day worrying about the potential of being recorded and ridiculed online for just being a person.
People should be able to live their lives with the right to privacy. This isnāt to say that certain instances of internet activism shouldnāt have happened; for instance the Central Park bird watching incident (google it if you arenāt familiar but a woman was being racist towards a black man bird watching in central Park and his recording on the incident vindicated him). But instances like those are the exception and not the rule and many cases of publishing interpersonal conflicts/interactions is not from good faith activism or even from an activist point at all. Honestly what sparked this for me was that dumb tiktok that blew up of that girl looking for the person who kept writing āmonkeā on the whiteboard at her gym and the series of videos she made amassed more than 25 million views as she made a very public game out of trying to find the identity of this person. Some of her tactics included staking out at the gym waiting for this person or even asking the employees at the front desk who the person was. Maybe this person didnāt want to be a viral tiktok sensation and just wanted to write something goofy on the whiteboard at their local gym. Instead, this person has millions of strangers online seeking them out using unethical/invasive methods. All over someone who just wanted to write āmonke.ā Can we not just be a little silly in public without being at risk of it being the next internet sensation? If you live in a busy metropolitan area is it now your responsibility to make yourself as invisible as you can every time you step outside your front door? I genuinely leave for work each day wondering if Iāve maybe picked the wrong outfit, makeup, or maybe thereās an embarrassing stain or issue with my appearance that someone is going to see, record, and share online. Iāve even now seen TikTokās of people recording through peoples windows commenting on how theyāre living in their private lives now as well (the video in question is of a young woman recording a couple dancing through their apartment window). Even the guy who goes around āturning average people into modelsā initiates these videos by first taking non-consented photos of strangers on the street. Invasion is not flattery as much as people on the internet might like to think it is.
It is deeply unfair to ask human beings to live their lives in an unending panopticon. We should be able to go outside, make a joke, leave a silly note, have a bad day, an embarrassing moment, an emotional outburst, leave the curtains open with the knowledge that these moments belong to ourselves and are not suddenly (and without our consent) just become something for the masses to consume. Small spats that should remain small spats become global debates, a conventionally attractive or unattractive person becomes the internetās object of desire or disgust. Let people exist. Let them have their dignity.
#I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK CULTURE#This is also hitting a bit close to home for me but I work at a museum and I constantly dress to hide my identity#because of how many cameras are pointed at me all day everyday#and in the year of two thousand and twenty three itās pretty hard to be a person#so to ask people to be media ready all the time is just impractical and inhumane#we arenāt all public figures but we are now expected to be ready for that level of attention#even certain internet phenomena that came from a good faith place such as recording Karenās as a way to combat a certain kind of a racism#was co opted by non black people to publicly shame and embarrass any older white woman they donāt like#now the entire concept of a Karen has lost its original meaning while still existing as an open threat to older women who donāt behave#as expected in public#and yes I have seen white teenage boys yelling at women calling them Karenās for just asking them to stop being rowdy#which is anecdotal evidence so take with a grain of salt#but I am simply EXHAUSTED#apparently I need to live in the mountains if I want to live in peace#also I wrote this in like a 5 minute rage so feel free to DM me or comment if I got something wrong
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banging pots and pans together and yelling. WRITING DOES NOT NEED TO BE DEEP TO EXIST. It does not need to explore huge themes to have worth. It does not need to be plot-heavy to be good. It does not need to be groundbreaking or artful in its delivery as justification for the time put into it.
THINGS CAN EXIST FOR FUN AND NOTHING ELSE, and if I reblog enough posts about this then maybe I'll believe it eventually.
#yelling this at myself btw but rbs are fine!!! goes for everyone#i get SO stuck worrying that my work is simple and derivative#but it's FUN TO ME AND MY FRIENDS I THINK and that's enough#I do not write to bolster other people's opinions of my intelligence#forever telling myself that people will have opinions on me regardless of what I do or don't do#so I should just do my best for myself#and not for the opinions of theoretical people who do not exist#I am writing vibrant cowboy kitsch because it makes me happy. I am not writing war and peace.
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rose has absolutely no desire to know about either of her parents' families because if she thinks about it for two seconds too long she's going to drive herself absolutely crazy
#* ā¦ OOC ā are the residents evil sir. )#she exists in such an isolated bubble of bioterrorism#the thought that there might like . be people out there who would want to know her#that she'll never know because she's hidden away#it drivers her bonkers she cannot do it#brought to you by: me yelling in ash's dms about ethan dropping everything to drive nearly 30 hours to louisana
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anyway. am i allowed to say that yes aimsey is a good role player and they make really cool stories and iām very excited for her being in purgatory, but iāve always been kinda meh on them ever since they threw a little shitfit over the existence of bisexual lesbians a few months ago?? like it was kinda hypocritical that he was pissed over bisexual women who may also identify as lesbians, which is an identity that breaks the typical definitions of both of those labels, while also being nonbinary and a lesbian, which is also an identity that breaks the typical definition of both of those labels. ik it was a while ago, they did apologize and explain their reasoning, but itās just left a bad taste in my mouth ever since
#whiskey yelling into the void#SORRY itās just bothered me for a while#like people are going to yell at you for having an identity they donāt understand#and youāre going to turn around and do the exact same thing to people with identities you donāt understand#like you canāt exist as one identity people will be confused about while also pushing down other confusing identities#because weāre all weird degenerates at the end of the day in the eyes of homophobes#and iād rather support people with contradictory identities than stand by gays who think iām weird for identifying as a butch trans man#support weird labels theyāre just WORDS who gives a shit we all die anyway and infighting is DUMB#i do think theyāre a good person and they meant well it was just something that put me off for a while#and i canāt rly push past it and watch them again yk????#if u still watch aimsey thatās cool tho!!! iām not pissed about them having a fanbase i donāt want to like. cancel them or w/e#idk this is just me ranting iām not trying to start shit and iām very happy for u if ur excited for qaimsey!! i do like their rp characters
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je connais trop de meufs adorables mais dĆ©politisĆ©es qui finissent avec des gars nullos ET d'extrĆŖme droite et je sais pas oĆ¹ elles les trouvent c'est trop flippant
#yelling#is there a roster of right-wing jakeys out there. how do you not ask. how does it not kill any kind of romantic feelings you may experience#like granted i can only consider dating a guy if he is openly left-wing because it matters a lot to me#but like#with thirty percent of young people willing to put fascists in power#how do you just take a chance like that#it's like russian roulette if you didn't care about the existence of bullets?
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